When the Map Changes: Navigating Midlife When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned

If you were looking at my vision board right now, you’d notice something right away.

There are a few empty spaces.

Right in the middle is a quote that’s been there for a while:
“Get everything you want.”

In a perfect world, that would be true. But we don’t live in a perfect world—we live in reality. And the truth is, we don’t always get everything we dreamed of. Sometimes the dream changes. Sometimes the road closes. Sometimes the map we were following no longer applies.

And when that happens, it can feel disorienting.

When the Road You Expected Disappears

There was a season of my life when I was certain I would live in Latin America. I had done mission work there for years, and in my mind, it made sense. It felt aligned. At one point, it even looked like it was going to happen.

And then… someone else made a decision that prevented it.

I was heartbroken. Angry. Confused. It felt like I had taken a wrong turn—or maybe the road had been blocked altogether. I didn’t understand it, and it took time to grieve what I thought my life would look like.

Life went on. And even though it didn’t unfold the way I had planned, it was still good.

That experience taught me something important: a changed path doesn’t mean a wasted life.

A Familiar Crossroads, Again

This past week, I found myself in a similar place.

After my divorce, I moved to the mountains of North Carolina. It was hard, but I did the work. I found my community. I found a place to serve. I learned how to call it home. And for a long time, I believed that Chris and I would eventually live there full-time.

But this week, we made the decision to let that dream go—for now.

Part of me felt relief, simply knowing a decision had been made. And part of me felt angry and sad. I had held that dream for several years, and releasing it wasn’t easy.

I’ve lived long enough—and navigated enough “this isn’t what I planned” moments—to know something now that I didn’t know before.

The very first thing I needed to do was not figure out what’s next.

Three Things to Do When the Map Changes in Midlife

If you’re standing at a crossroads right now, here’s what I’ve learned helps most.

1. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve

Before we rush to fix, plan, or reframe, we need space to feel. For me, that looked like journaling—which led to tears—which led to talking with a friend. I no longer rush myself to “move on.” I allow myself to grieve and to move forward in time, not on a schedule.

2. Don’t Navigate Alone

Midlife transitions are heavy to carry by yourself. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a supportive community, or a coach or counselor, having someone walk alongside you matters. We weren’t meant to process loss or change in isolation.

3. Focus on the Next Right Step—Not the Whole Road

This season reminds me of sitting in a car at night. When the car is parked, all you can see is what the headlights illuminate. To see more, you have to put the car in drive. Even then, you can only see so far ahead.

Midlife works the same way. You don’t need the full map. You need the next right step.

You Don’t Need All the Answers

Today, I’m not rushing into building my community or figuring everything out where I live now. I trust that day will come. For now, I’m giving myself permission to grieve what’s changing.

And I also know this: I’ve been here before. And I’ll be okay again.

That’s exactly why I created The Midlife Roadmap.

It’s not about solving every problem or having every answer. It’s about having a guide—a structure, a framework, and support—for navigating this season intentionally.

I see myself as a copilot. I won’t tell you where to go, but I’ll help you read the map, notice what matters, and take the next step when you’re ready.

If you’re at a crossroads and the path feels unclear, the Midlife Roadmap may be the support you’re looking for. 

You don’t have to figure this out all at once.
You just need a place to start.