Is It Okay to Say No During the Holidays?

Every year around this time, I feel that old familiar tug—the one that whispers, “You should say yes.”
Yes to hosting.
Yes to extra travel.
Yes to gifts that stretch the budget.
Yes to everyone else’s needs… even when I’m running on empty.

And yet, each year I’m learning—sometimes the most loving thing we can say isn’t “yes.”
It’s “no.”

This Week I Said, “No”.

To one of my adult kids.
I won’t share the details (because their story isn’t mine to tell), but I will say this—it wasn’t easy. Everything in me wanted to fix, to accommodate, to make it work.

But deep down, I knew that saying “yes” would’ve meant saying “no” to myself—
to my own peace, energy, and emotional health.

After I said no, I second-guessed myself a dozen times.
Would they be upset?
Would they misunderstand?
Would it hurt our relationship?

And then I realized… if my “yes” is rooted in fear, guilt, or pressure—it’s not really love.
It’s self-abandonment.

Why Saying “No” Feels So Hard

Especially for women in midlife, saying no can feel almost impossible.

We’ve spent decades being caregivers, partners, employees, and peacemakers.
We’re wired to help, to hold things together, to smooth the edges.

But here’s the truth no one tells you:
Every time you say “yes” to something that drains you, you’re quietly saying “no” to something that matters—your health, your rest, your creativity, your peace.

Saying “no” doesn’t make you selfish.
It makes you honest.

“No” is an Act of Love

We often think of boundaries as walls, but they’re really bridges.
They help relationships stay healthy and connected—without resentment quietly building underneath.

When you say “no” from a place of peace, you’re actually creating space for love to grow.
Because when you’re not exhausted or stretched too thin, you show up more fully, more present, more you.

So if you need permission this season—here it is:
You are allowed to say no.
You’re allowed to rest.
You’re allowed to protect your peace.
And you don’t owe anyone an apology for doing what’s best for your well-being.

What Might You Need to Say “No” To?

This November, I’m asking myself:
What do I need to say no to… so I can say yes to peace?

Maybe for you, it’s:

• Hosting out of obligation
  
  
• Overspending to make everyone happy
  
  
• Driving to three different houses on Christmas Day
  
  
• Pretending you’re fine when you’re really not
  
  

Whatever it is—let this be your “No-vember.”
A season of gentle boundaries and sacred space.

Let’s Keep Talking About It

If this hits home, you’ll love my Still Merry Workshop — a live (and replay-available) event on November 18 designed to help midlife women create a holiday season filled with less stress and more joy.

We’ll talk about:

• Setting healthy boundaries without guilt
  
  
• Simplifying your schedule
  
  
• Finding peace even when things have changed
  
  

🎟 Just $20 • Live November 18 • Replay included
👉 Join the Still Merry Workshop here

And if the holidays feel complicated with adult kids this year, you might also like this post from last year:
➡️ Navigating the Holidays with Adult Children

Because no matter what this season looks like for you—
you deserve to feel calm, connected, and still merry.