How to Set Healthy Boundaries This Holiday Season (Without Feeling Guilty)

If the holidays feel more overwhelming than joyful, you’re not alone.

Every year, I talk to midlife women who are running on empty by mid-December—saying yes to everything and everyone, hoping it will make the season special… only to find themselves stressed, disconnected, and secretly counting the days until it’s over.

So let’s say this out loud:

You don’t have to do it all.
You don’t have to say yes to everything.
You don’t have to earn your joy.

One of the most powerful tools you have this holiday season is your ability to set boundaries—loving, honest, healthy ones that protect your peace and make space for what matters most.

Why Is It So Hard to Set Boundaries During the Holidays?

Because many of us were raised to believe that being generous means being available.

Because we don’t want to disappoint our family.

Because we think we’re the only ones who can pull it all together.

Because we confuse boundaries with rejection.

But boundaries aren’t about pushing people away—they’re about staying close without losing yourself.

A Client Story
One of my clients recently shared that she is choosing to say no to a holiday gathering she usually attends every year.

There was no big fallout—no conflict, no drama. She simply recognizes that she doesn’t have the emotional energy to show up well that day.

Instead, she plans to spend the evening with her immediate family, eating their favorite foods and watching movies.

That simple “no” is going to give her peace. 

It will create margin.
And most importantly, it is reminding her that she gets to choose how she shows up this season.

3 Boundary Scripts You Can Use This Season

If you’re not used to setting boundaries, here are a few ways to start:

1. “That doesn’t work for me this year, but I hope it’s wonderful.”
   You’re allowed to change traditions—or step away from them for a season.
2. “I’d love to connect, but I need to leave by 8:00 to take care of myself.”
   You don’t have to explain further. Protecting your time is valid.
3. “Thanks for the invite—I'm saying no this time so I can stay grounded.”
   This communicates care without guilt.

A Quick Reflection:

Before you fill your calendar, ask yourself:

• What do I actually want this season to feel like?
  
  
• What fills me up—and what drains me?
  
  
• Who am I trying to please… and why?
  
  

This isn’t selfish. It’s self-leadership.

Looking for more support?

You might also like this post from last year:
➡️ Navigating the Holidays with Adult Children