3 Things That Actually Work for Midlife Moms

Let’s be honest—there’s no shortage of advice for moms in midlife. Some of it’s helpful, a lot of it isn’t, and most days you’re left wondering, “Does any of this actually work?” As a mom who’s walked the empty nest, the late-night-worry, and the “how do I parent a grown-up?” road—I’ve found that simple is best. Here are three things that actually make a difference (and yes, I promise, they work):

1. Take Care of Yourself First

This might go against everything you were taught about being a “good mom.” We’re wired to put everyone else first—meals, appointments, making sure everyone else is okay—before we ever consider our own needs. But here’s the truth: when you care for yourself first, you show up stronger, steadier, and way more present for the people you love.

• What does this look like in real life?
  
  
• Giving yourself permission to rest without guilt
  
  
• Doing something just for you (a walk, a favorite show, a night out with friends)
  
  
• Saying no, even when it’s uncomfortable, so you can say yes to your own well-being
  
  

If you’ve spent decades running on empty, I know this feels backward. But it’s the foundation for everything else.

2. Choose Curiosity Over Conflict

Let’s talk about that moment when your young adult makes a choice you do not understand. Instinct kicks in, and before you know it, you’re offering advice (or, let’s be real, a mini-lecture). I’ve done it too! The hard truth? Most of the time, our kids don’t want advice—they want to be heard.

Here’s the midlife hack: Instead of jumping in to solve or fix, choose curiosity.
Ask gentle, non-judgmental questions like:

• “That sounds like a big decision—how are you feeling about it?”
  
  
• “What led you to this choice?”
  
  
• “Would it help to talk through it, or do you just want me to listen?”
  
  

You might remember my favorite question: “Do you want to be held, heard, or helped?” (I wrote a whole blog post on this—read it here).

Curiosity keeps the lines of communication open. It says, “I’m on your team, even if I don’t get it.” That alone can change everything.

3. Shift from Pilot to Co-Pilot

This one’s huge, especially if you’ve spent years steering the ship. When our kids are little, we’re in the driver’s seat—making decisions, setting boundaries, leading the way. But as they grow, our role changes. They don’t need a pilot; they need a co-pilot.

What does this look like?

• Letting them navigate their own path, even when you’d choose differently
  
  
• Being available for support, but letting them make the call
  
  
• Remembering that “failure” is often just growth in disguise
  
  

You’re not abandoning them—you’re empowering them. It’s one of the hardest, bravest things we can do as midlife moms. And it’s the thing that will help your relationship go the distance.

The Bottom Line

There’s a lot of noise out there about how to parent in this season. These three things—caring for yourself first, choosing curiosity, and shifting from pilot to co-pilot—are what I see actually working for moms like us. They’re simple, but not always easy. Trust me, I’m still practicing all three (daily!).

If you want more support on this journey, you’ll love my 80’s Sitcom Mom Quiz. Everyone who takes the quiz will get an exclusive $50 off my Launching With Love mini-course—a self-paced guide for building confident, connected relationships with your adult kids. It’s everything I wish I’d had when my own kids started to fly the nest.

Cheering you on,
Lisa